At this stage of my life, one of the things I am most sure of about myself is that I am a grumpy old man. I am easily annoyed, and disagree with a lot of accepted, conventional ideas. And because a lot of people annoy me on a daily basis, I have found it easier to speak out and not give a damn. This is easy in a city like Boston, where everyone is an asshole.
Two weeks ago in a seminar class, I offered my two cents on the play we were analyzing at the time, which was Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. My comment was on Linda, Willy Loman's wife. To me, she was the most couragous character because she adapted to her surroundings, her life. Her husband talked down to her, a man who had suicidal tendencies, and she stuck by him and adapted. It takes a lot of courage for a person to accept their place in life. This was courageous of Linda Loman, given the situation at the time and the lack of opportunities for women. But it also takes a lot of courage for a person to defy convention and pursue something better for themselves, rather than let society decide your fate. Those are two ways of looking at courage, at its very surface.
I haven't adapted to my surroundings, in a way. I think I refuse to, no matter where I am. Perhaps it would be different if I was married, had a family, and putting myself first all the time was no longer an option. And being a non-white, non-American does not give me the privilege of adapting here, at least not completely. People try, but we all know it is for the most part, an illusion. Because to adapt does not necessarily mean to be accepted. In the past few weeks I had an Asian-American woman, in her late 50's, confide in me how her all white colleagues demean her in their work environment, despite her achievements, despite the fact that she holds a PhD and is an expert in her field, just like them. She has been going through that her entire life, she told me, and I could see in her eyes, even at this stage in her life, it still upset her greatly.
I haven't adapted in many ways here, because I refuse to be an asshole. I can be, of course, when things get testy and one needs to stick up for themselves. But I have values and principles that I hold on to, and I don't make assessments about people based on the color of their skin, but on their character, and how they speak to others. Having said that, I consider myself fortunate to not be treated as terribly as many others are, like the constant belittling that Asian-American woman who has lived in the United States her entire life has been subjected to. And it makes me wonder, why endure it?
