RISE OF THE NARCISSIST — PART TWO

Anyway, where was I?

The art of deception — a topic no one can claim to be unfamiliar with as we live in an age where more often than not deception is the platform on which many people curate their public persona for different reasons: to market themselves, to seek validation (eg: getting as many likes and followers as possible) or an ego boost, to mask their true insecure selves, the emptiness they feel within, to compete with others, and so on.

We have all witnessed it, participated or both.

Deception is thus a crucial tool in the arsenal of narcissists and their siblings: psychopaths and sociopaths. Putting on a mask to gain the trust and admiration of others shouldn't be a ludicrous idea and yet it is to naive minds, despite the obvious screaming at us from all corners of society.

From politicians speaking in sugarcoated, well rehearsed language in front of a public audience as their nefarious backroom dealings or covert actions in other lands eventually come to light, to celebrity PR stunts meant to give the impression that they give a shit about poverty or equality while they are active players within the machine that allows for poverty and inequality to endure. To people in general wearing big smiles on their faces in efforts to appear more likable to others, as recommended by relationship coaches and YouTube videos like this one. Keyword: appear.

Like it or not we live in a superficial world run by superficial people. Appearances are what we are judged upon, hence the pervasive self-fashioning we see from those who utilize and engage with social media to boast of the "perfect life," success and flawless beauty. Visual content plays on our senses and our emotions. In other words, it affects the cognitive function of the human brain and tells us what to believe.

There's nothing wrong with smiling. It's how something natural and warm has become another deceptive tactic in modern Western ideas of selling yourself by adopting the easiest form of influence on shallow, gullible minds who base their opinion of others solely on appearances.

And despite the fact that this is also a tactic commonly abused by serial killers in the world who possess psychopathic and narcissistic traits — 67% of which are American. I mentioned that last part because it's fascinating and I continuously try to investigate why.

We are conditioned to understand that people like Ted Bundy and Charles Manson (and fictional characters like Annie Wilkes) were demented, and while they were that, it should also make us wonder why war criminals, military servicemen and women, CIA torturers and politicians who enthusiastically endorse the killings of people not just in other lands, but their own and profit from it, are exempt from those labels.

It is because they are given a platform to further manipulate their audience, while convicted killers are kept locked away. That is how we understand that those behind bars are the more dangerous people to be feared.

As I mentioned in Part I, people who're more orally confident and rationalize their depravity become mainstream, as audiences are made to hear from and see more and more of these suits and their smiles on influential platforms. They are tolerated and accepted, and their carefully orchestrated public persona, including the rhetoric and charm they utilize to continue to play with people's emotions and minds conditions society to see them as normal.

Psychopathic/sociopathic/narcissistic individuals, when caught are painted to be evil and fearsome, as they should be. The difference here is in how other psychopaths/sociopaths/narcissists are able to dominate society unbridled.

Simple: form an alliance that cannot be defeated. In more modern terms, this is called collective narcissism.

Notice how Jimmy Carter, the only progressive and decent President in modern US history (also a religious man from the South — irony) stands slightly apart from the rest. Authentic, principled people who are not devoid of a conscience are generally repulsed by narcissists and can recognize one (or the many) in the room. 

How do you spot a narcissist? You pay attention.

While they do tend to walk around wearing a shit-eating grin on their face a lot of the time, there are other key trademarks that are customary of all narcissists to be aware of. Here is another irony: narcissists believe they are special, yet all of them are really one and the same — basically, the devil in different bodies.

While they are master manipulators and charmers, they do tend to slip up and leave a trail of evidence behind them. To those who pay attention, that trail is easy to follow. In this regard, I would call narcissists dimwitted. When you have your head so far up your own ass all the time you get careless. 

No one likes to have the illusion they've created of themselves shattered. Not when they thrive on the admiration of others.

Narcissists try to protect that illusion at all costs. 

They do this by quietly identifying the more powerful people in the room. Powerful is relative here because it could be a mere supervisor at a restaurant at which the narcissist works or one of the more popular social media influencers/internet "celebrities" who regularly has a meal there.

The narcissist will try their luck with the more feasible option, perhaps with the person who seems the most gullible and has more open body language. Here the narcissist will try to get closer, maximizing their charm and wit to keep Powerful Person's attention on them, as they draw that person in.

What they are doing is attaching themselves, as social climbers and opportunists do to power, because that is what they crave the most. Even if it's just sleeping with the manager of a small restaurant, that's something. Relevancy comes with power. And narcissists are generally small people who, as mentioned in Part I, develop delusions of grandeur: they believe in their own greatness and importance even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. 

The best and most convenient way to drag yourself out of a mediocre state and fulfill that delusion is to attach yourself to others who have discernable authority, fame, or fortune and exploit them in the process. A more recent example of this, and which showcases how narcissism is now becoming common in Asian societies, is Jho Low — the insecure Wharton grad and financier still in hiding while playing the victim, and his group of like-minded lowlifes who really believed they were invincible.

Once the narcissist traps Powerful Person it's basically the devil pulling the strings from then on. The narcissist finds themselves in a better position to exert their dominance and control, such as unofficially taking over the reins of their supervisor boyfriend and instructing/harassing/intimidating fellow co-workers, even if it's from behind the scenes — this is how the narcissist avoids any responsibility from the depravity they orchestrate.

They are calculated and cunning, having thought things through so that others take the fall, all while the narcissist protects themselves. They will never accept fault or blame, as it is always others who are wrong.

Because they believe that they are superior to others, when they fall from grace, they drag every single person — whether their minions or enablers and protectors — down along with them. The incredible part is that most of those people won't even know what the hell happened. They never even realized they'd been conned, manipulated, and exploited by the narcissist to which they had been loyal.

What you will notice, should you pay attention, is how the narcissist tends to make everyone around them look bad. They get others to support them and make them look good, but they have zero consideration for the feelings and dignity of those same people they depend on.

You will get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when in their company after a while.

Whether it's by simply being their repulsive, inauthentic self or belittling and humiliating others publicly, the narcissist largely overestimates the quality of their own character (perhaps they are devoid of any class, tact, manners, principles, wisdom, etc) and this becomes evident in how they treat and speak to others around them. It's actually embarrassing to be in the company of narcissists, because they lack any self-awareness, but exude a sense of entitlement and overconfidence that would cause any self-respecting person to cringe and keep a distance.

So, more irony: narcissists believe they are God-like and everyone admires them, but in reality, only similar low-value, insecure, impressionable hangers-on would associate and tolerate them. They feed off of each other's toxic energy and sit around reminding each other of how awesome they are because no self-respecting person will.

High-value people can spot low-value people. They've spent years observing and dealing with low-value people, and as a consequence expend a great amount of effort to improve themselves, their character, and their values — an ongoing process in which high-value people are in humble competition with themselves, and not others — something which low-value people, including narcissists, cannot comprehend. Anything that aligns with integrity is a foreign, unappealing concept to their small minds.

We see the extent of the damage they cause, to families, organizations, countries and lives in general. Yet narcissists more often than not escape accountability, more so with those who operate collectively, but also individuals who're particularly great performers that they always have supporters no matter how much evidence is stacked against them. Why?

Because narcissism is integral to success in the US, specifically, as already touched on. Thus, the powerful narcissists that dominate Hollywood, Wall Street, the entertainment industry, politics, news media, and such are rarely called out, or challenged. They are the most protected group in US society. See above: collective narcissism.

Don't get it wrong — they are everywhere. Do not think that narcissists are all in positions of power. They crave power and control, yes, and some manage to succeed in attaining it.

An example of this is Barack Obama.

Back in 2017 historian, David J. Garrow released his book Rising Star, the most exhaustive biography about Obama to date. He went where no previous Obama biographers went before (like bothering to interview ex-girlfriends and former classmates of Obama) and through extensive research pieced together the real story, very different from the carefully crafted illusion that had been sold to seduce the public for years, of the man they would vote into office.

I won't get into details here, but this Politico article about Garrow and Rising Star, as well as the backlash it received from Obama supporters upon its release, is an interesting read. Despite Garrow's honest and thoroughly researched book that delves into the inner workings of someone with narcissistic traits, and who had exaggerated or falsified a lot of his history to sound more interesting (a common habit/ruse of narcissists) it spent only a week on the bestseller list, as the book, as well as the author, was bitterly dismissed by powerful leftist critics for exposing Obama, their leader in a truer light.

These flippant critics include Michiko Kakutani, who ended her review of Rising Star by encouraging readers to, "go back to Obama’s own eloquent memoir" (Dreams of My Father) to know the former president — that memoir which had already been revealed to be largely incomplete, invented, and untruthful.  

In 2018 Kakutani released her book The Death of Truth: Notes On Falsehood In the Age of Trump ("an impassioned critique of the West’s retreat from reason").

Now, this goes back to collective identity. Members of a group don't question the behavior of other members — they look the other way. It's convenient. It's protection. It's popular opinion. It reinforces their delusional belief that they're superior. It gives the herd a sense of smug self-satisfaction, but at the same time also reveals their own hypocrisy.

So when it comes to any type of popular opinion, you best be ready to face an emotionally driven angry mob should you dare prove the herd wrong, or shatter their delusional belief system, and as a result, rock the boat.

You will be attacked, and then ostracized.

Such herd mentality is pervasive everywhere in the world.

From the Salem Witch Trials in 1692 to the Vietnam War, the invasion of Iraq, Israel-Palestine and so on: morally driven individuals like Glenn Andreotta, Hugh Thompson, Lawrence Colburn, Michael Moore, Chris Hedges, Norman Finkelstein, and others were viciously denigrated and shunned by larger American society for breaking from the herd. These were and are individuals who would not cower in the face of gang-like intimidation by their peers and fellow citizens — liberals and conservatives alike — who truly believe(d) in their minds, and gripped by a bizarre hysteria, that the US is entitled to do whatever the hell it wants to the rest of the world.

Not telling narcissists what they want to hear = punishment.

Should you be dealing solely with the narcissist you've refused to worship, obey, or had just criticized, prepare to be on the receiving end of some passive-aggressive and emotionally abusive retaliation.

If the narcissist is within a circle you are both a part of, the mob/herd/minions will help carry out this punishment on behalf of their "masters" (eg: those who have a tendency to assume authority/run their mouths and start rumors/accusations/falsehoods) without skepticism or question → collective narcissism → American exceptionalism.

And compared to George W. Bush and Donald Trump, Obama is the one president they want to feel proud of. He managed to continue to charm everyone even with his questionable character and actions that are comparable to his white predecessors, and the one that followed.

Being black and having swagger sets him apart in the eyes of many people, not just Americans. Even though you could argue that Obama is really just a white guy who took all the right steps to get ahead in the political game (exploiting his black skin, marrying a black woman after a long history of white ex's, etc) at a volatile time when American's were disillusioned with the white-centric Bush administration and all the horrors that came with it. People thus want to remember Obama as the cool president who represented minorities.

Even as he had thousands of minorities killed in foreign nations.

Barack Obama in Malaysia, 2015

People want to believe popular opinion and appearances because it's the easiest thing to do. Appearance and public opinion trumps character, authenticity and integrity in the modern world, and narcissists learn early on to take advantage of this.

Nevermind the fact that the Obama administration was supplying both Israel and Saudi Arabia with weapons so those governments could continue murdering Palestinians and Yemenis. Or that Obama oversaw more drone strikes, covert or otherwise in his first year in office than Bush carried out during his entire presidency: a total of 563 strikes, largely by drones compared to 57 strikes under Bush. 

Between 384 and 807 civilians — nameless, faceless people in villages — were killed in Yemen, Somalia, and Pakistan. As Obama once said to senior staff members: “Turns out I’m really good at killing people. Didn’t know that was gonna be a strong suit of mine.”

Just another megalomaniac in the White House, playing God. I singled out Obama here precisely because he was really no different from his white, brutish, amoral predecessors/successor (Carter is exempt here) yet he gets a pass, because...well. Obama fans should ask themselves why that is.

It's all a matter of perspective.

And taking calculated steps. Those who see through the narcissist's performance, or anyone who receives more attention than they do and thereby is seen as a threat will become the narcissist's target. 

They will try to ruin your life and will orchestrate your fall with skillful duplicity — while still wearing a warm smile, and often remaining unseen so as to not draw any suspicion to themselves —  without hesitation, guilt, or consideration of who or how many people their actions will affect. 

There is, according to psychologists, a distinction between sociopaths and narcissists. You might even be dealing with, or come across a sociopathic narcissist, and it would not be surprising nowadays.

Jackson Pollock, Mask. 1941.

As already mentioned in Part I, should you try to confront them, you will find yourself in the middle of a sinister psychological game in which the narcissist starts playing the victim and gaslighting you. Let's revisit the term : 

Gaslighting, the narcissist's attempt to disorient and confuse you by using denial and projection, usually under the pretense of remaining calm, concerned, and in control. It's their way of provoking you even more, and should you fall for this tactic they will look at you with pity and a smile as though to prove to you, and bystanders, "See, I told you this person is crazy."

Their performance goes Academy Award-level full throttle as they pull out all the stops in their attempts to completely dominate you:

Blinking rapidly or furrowing/arching eyebrows while feigning confusion.

Melodramatic crying.

Exasperated wide-eyed denial.

Speaking down to you in a soft, slow, patronizing tone as though you're a child seeking their attention (it's the opposite, of course; narcissists are attention seekers of the highest level, but they want to believe that it's others whom they harass and intimidate that are obsessed with them).

Inventing any type of story to spread behind your back that portrays you in a grotesque, villainous light.

Using emotional abuse to leave you with low self-esteem and thus hindering you from disobeying them further — the psychological tactics go on because they will stoop as low as they need to protect their carefully crafted image.

Do not believe statements that claim it is a rare disorder and only a small percentage of people have it. No one is going to willingly line up to be diagnosed with a psychiatric illness. Why would anyone care when it is a basic element of modern culture, and politicians to celebrities openly radiate narcissistic traits? Instagram is dominated by narcissists leading double lives — one they want others to envy, and one followers don't see where they are deeply insecure, unhappy, and alone.

So, the narcissist isn't always already in a position of power, but they consistently behave in a way that seems as though they are, or are working towards that position. 

*I will delve further into my personal experiences with narcissists, and their tactics in the final post, Part III, next week.

The narcissist works at your neighborhood drugstore, teaches your kids in a classroom, cleans your home, takes your order at the restaurant, slathers makeup on their face on YouTube, lives next door, folds clothes at Barneys, bags your groceries, is an entrepreneur or influencer, is smiling at you on a billboard, works at the front desk of a hotel, sits at your dinner table, is a yoga instructor/soldier/cop/stay at home mom/doctor/aid worker/politician/journalist/actor/model, etc.

Remember that narcissists are really just people who feel empty inside but have convinced themselves they're more important than they actually are. They expect others to admire and submit to them. They're not just deeply insecure people — we all have insecurities, and we're all narcissistic to a small degree. Narcissism is a problem when it becomes a serious mental health problem that causes harm to others and hinders progress in societies.

Narcissists are bodies without a soul. They do not have real emotions when it comes to others, but they are incredibly skilled at replicating emotions when they need to. They wear two faces and are con artists who can switch from one to the other in a heartbeat.

That is the whole point of deception: to deceive others. 

Most people still cannot grasp this fact, because we are used to having villains and antagonists portrayed to us via different art forms in obvious, and stupid stereotypes. Dark, ugly, hunched, unsmiling, quiet, loners, bad teeth, scary, etc. It's why you have idiots who react with a confused, "But he/she is so gorgeous. But he/she is so sweet" when a good-looking person gets dumped or is found guilty of wrongdoing.

They have been fed that retarded stereotype for so long that they only understand charming, likeable people to be untouchable, and incapable of evil. And it is much easier to forgive charming, likeable people, as Ted Bundy fangirls will tell you, no matter how much devastation and death they leave in their wake.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

Spoiler alert: narcissists and other demons in the human flesh don't walk around with fangs protruding from their mouths, and horns jutting from the top of their heads. Quite the opposite.

The point of deception is to fool others, and you do that by gaining their trust and acceptance by concealing your true character, leaving others to suspect nothing. What we see right in front of us is not always real, but trickery. The wicked are thus hiding in plain sight.

As Joe Berlinger, director of the recent Ted Bundy film spells out, "they are the people you least expect."